About Me

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Blogger, full-time bum and proud owner of a rubber duck named Bert. Come say hi. I don't bite. Unless you're a cheesecake, then I'd recommend backing away slowly.

Day to day life

Anyone that has been a reader for more than a few days, will quickly have realised that the majority of blog posts are about my day to day life.


I'll try to include ALL of them here.


OCTOBER 2010


101 ways to say "Because You'll pay me"


Strike!


I put it in a "safe" place.


Woah! I actually did something today


What, in the name of god, is a dragee?


Wagner and viagra: There's a difference


Last day of Holidays blues



It's Monday morning and It's freezing! Yet inside, I feel warm and cuddly.


And the light vanishes, to be replaced with darkness


Innocence... This word does not exist when you're not referring to children, it becomes Stupidity then


No way is that real...


You know your life is awesome when a ninja serves you


And now a word from our sponsors


Happy Halloween!


NOVEMBER 2010












DECEMBER 2010































JANUARY 2011



































FEBRUARY 2011





























MARCH 2011




Eating a crepe on pancake day



Hairdryer on wheels


Forgetting memory. How ironic?


Oops. Missed the chair.


I hate my subconscious mind.


Curly Mohican Boy


Your tortoise impression is to DIE for!


Wait... who did WHAT in the Management corridor?


Stop blinding me with your tie!!


If there was a Boy George look-a-like contest, you'd win for sure.


Ambition sucks


Ouchie


Ooops.


It's Friday, Friday...


LOST: One voice


Wednesday


Moving Clocks.


Hello my pretties!


*Girlish scream* It's One Direction!


Hold on a minute... my Year head saw you naked?


SHAKA!


The highlight of my day was when the bus turned left.


APRIL 2011

I am a rampant, raping nun.


HAPPY MONDAY!


Slappa da bass!


MTV gets down and dirty


That awesome moment when you realise that your life rocks.


She wouldn't even know where to dunk it!


That is one creepy ass butterfly.


Scottish Weather: How I hate you so


Weird Statements ahead!


Wednesday's are my new luck day!


Attack of the Bright Clothes!


Run For Your Lives!


I'm not cheating, I'm just not playing fair.


Gregenga


Buzz Lightyear Fight!


Attack of the bright clothes


Jumbo jet landing area, please, back away.


Celebles


I play electric triangle for the Suicidal pirates.


MAY 2011


Consequences suck. 


Oooh, Burn!


She might not be athletic, but she does the best impression of a Japanese Chicken that I have ever seen.


Hillbilly's and yahoo answers do NOT mix


Fun with cars


Don't join a Japanese kidnapping site...


Golf Widow


Naughty blogger! Naughty blogger!


I'm late, I'm late, for a very important date


Oh dear, Shakespeare


I'm not wasted, acting crazy, making a scene, like it's my Birthday


Thankful for...


List of movies you have to watch before you die.


Monday Blues? Monday Yellows!


Breaking the rules: I'm a rebel like that.


New Paramore song!


Love this!


You want to buy the cheese surprise?


Wrong Place, Wrong Vehicle


Blech! Lemons.


JUNE 2011


Three sides don't make a triangle


Qweeek


Inhaling noodles: It's not recommended.


Define "awesome"...


Want shlammed? Get shlammed.


Walking down the street can make you bad ass...


Best. Catch. EVER!


GET OUT OF MY WAY!!


That's one convincing mime!


Woah, dude, is that a chipolata?


He's so fit!


Lucozade energy... GET SOME!


Fresh meat!


Are fish reaaaaally wet?


I don't think you're actually meant to sit on tha... oh. Suit yourself


Dr Seuss can inspire Advanced Higher art and don't let anyone tell you differently!


IT'S NOT BADMINTON!


Salad explosion


Sun, books and Paramore


The Questions that Haunt me


JULY 2011

God vs wii


Bubblegum tattoo


What's the difference between 1.2 hours and 80 minutes?


Lesbian on a stick?


Fruit can be bad ass too you know.


Dad... stop flashing the CCTV man.


Waffles don't disintegrate.


Mind the Step


"That would make an awesome band name"


"Monster" music video analysis


Keep your strawberries, I want your meringues.


10,000 views


Spot the difference


Sexy ass bass


AUGUST 2011

STOP!


Spoons aren't just for strumming


When there's a championship for sex appeal, you know the world is a messed up place


PASH


What would you do if I wet myself right now?


Panic! On the megabus


Playing catch up


SEPTEMBER 2011


Oh Williams, you dirty dog


Row row row your canoe, with your canoe sticks


I'm not just stealing your ping pong ball, I'm stealing your dignity.


Let's compare life to...


OCTOBER 2011

You are not useless


One year and 300 posts later


DECEMBER 2011


My own blog has forgotten who I am


2011


JANUARY 2012


Happy New Year!


Great to see that you value your loyal customers...


If you're tired and you know it KO on the couch


I'm not a salesperson... BUT


Oh! We're going to eat pizza


Time confuses me


Meryl Streep is silently judging me


Report any juggling mimes to security


2012 Oscar Nominations


Sucking balloons and blowing candles


Well aren't you just a cactus smuggler?


Be right back: Getting funky with my bongos


FEBRUARY 2012

New Young Guns album's lyrics


I'm a barbie girl...


If I had a house...


YOU HAVE A VAGINA


You've got a license... a license to kill


I think there's a monster...


Oscar Winners 2012


MARCH 2012

Got into clown college

Do you know what pasta means in slang?



That horrible moment when...


Definition of thesaurus


APRIL 2012

You're going to regret this when you're 18

Rules to live by


The best songs to wake up to


Just a quick note


That's one shifty cow


That one, perfect goodbye...


Paranoia is your new best friend



MAY 2012

School's out forever 


It's strange... 


101 in 1001 project  



JUNE 2012

Party like it's 1999 


The joys of being a chopstick walrus 


Good job I brought my eraser!


What's the price of your future?



JULY 2012

Well, all I can say is that I'm very confused

Looking through some old drafts... here's a 5th year story for you.


Fact of the day 


Insomnia is for wieners


Snail porn: Hard and slow 


Itsy bitsy spider, induces another rant


AUGUST 2012



The Aberdeen coffee scene

Pigeon paranoia


Can we just take a moment to applaud how awesome my college course is?



SEPTEMBER 2012



Life waits for no-one

The haunted cludge


There's plenty more fish where that came from


Mid-life crisis


Everything is tits down at the moment 


Tip for those wanting to film drug deals... don't.


Men's boxers for women, now with 20% more crotch pouch


Jisms



DECEMBER 2012

Reasons why you shouldn't point


If you're not Scottish I feel bad for you son, I've got 99 problems but not knowing the taste of IRN BRU ain't one


I'm going to spatula you, prepare yourself.


Ew, cooties.



JANUARY 2013