My friend Michelle and I had wanted to go to one for years. We both are really passionate about music and therefore thought that a weekend dedicated purely to music would be like dying and going to heaven.
After last year's Rockness festival line-up (You had us at Biffy Clyro) we decided that couldn't miss out on going to a music festival in 2013.
A few of our friends (Sara, Dougal, 'Drew, Andy, Bev and Sarah) were already going, and said that it would be okay for us to tag along too.
In May, Kyle decided that Rockness was something that he definitely wanted to come to, so he joined our little gang as well.
First thing we discovered upon getting there, was that Michelle and I couldn't put up a tent if our lives depended on it. I tried to put all of the poles into those wee K'nex style slots, and ended up aimlessly holding this huge rod. I turned to speak to her and almost knocked a couple of people over with the rod whilst doing so.
Everyone seemed to be quite tipsy by the time we got our tents all set up. The majority of us put on sun screen, because we knew we'd be spending a lot of our time in the sunshine. Not all of us did however...
BEV: Kyle, you're getting quite red... are you not going to put on some sun screen?
KYLE: No! I'm half Italian, and Italian's don't burn!
BEV: But you'r....
KYLE: I'm half Italian!The next morning, Kyle comes out of his tent, looking somewhat embarrassed and very, very visibly burnt.
ME: Your bottom half may be Italian, but your top half is definitely Scottish.I couldn't speak though, because later that day, I too got burned.
Music wise, it was okay. My highlights were without a doubt Dog is Dead, Newton Faulkner and Jessie Ware. Most disappointing were Skream and Benga.
They were like:
*Rage against the machine were playing*
SKREAM AND BENGA: OKAY ROCKNESSSSS! SING ALONG!
RAGE AGAINST THE MACHINE: Killing... *Skream and Benga cut out the music*
DOUGAL: They clearly only know the empty part of empty orchestra (karaoke means empty orchestra).The majority of the line-up were simply not my cup of tea. If you love dance music, then it would be right up your street. I'm a good old fashioned band lover however. I enjoy watching talented people playing instruments, or someone with a great voice singing in front of a live band.
Really, what I'm saying, is that I'd like to see the Rock put back in Rockness.
My highlight of Rockness as a whole would probably be just hanging out with some of my favourite people, in our wee camping chairs.
Dougal and Andy didn't bring camping chairs, so they bought two for just under twenty pounds at one of the stalls.
Dougal broke his within the hour.
He was just sitting on his chair, minding his own business when...
The armrest broke off.
DOUGAL: It doesn't matter, I don't need the armrest anyw...The bit supporting his back broke too, and it turned into a recliner.
DOUGAL: Well, the only bit that I really need is thi...The bit supporting his weight broke too, and it turned into a death-trap.
I'm trying to think of some of the conversations we had at the tent, but the only thing coming to mind is:
BEV: Well, Pingu's shit today. Let's call the talking clock.Speaking of shit...
The portaloos have scarred me for life.
They can make for some funny moments (Sarah opened one door, only to be confronted with a man's bare ass, causing her to scream) but for the most part, they were just disgustingly bad.
For example, I went into one that had shit smeared all over the walls.
I haven't been the same woman since that day.
Anyway, Michelle was feeling really ill on the Sunday morning, so we headed home...
Sharing a taxi with a lovely Glaswegian drug dealer on our way.
Make of that what you will.