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Blogger, full-time bum and proud owner of a rubber duck named Bert. Come say hi. I don't bite. Unless you're a cheesecake, then I'd recommend backing away slowly.

Thursday, 20 December 2012

I'm going to spatula you, prepare yourself.

If spooning is hugging, and forking is sex, then what does that make sporking?

The question of a generation.

Personally, I think that sporking is an awkward spoon. In other words, spooning with an erection.


DISCLAIMER: This blog is in no way responsible for any lasting
 mental images caused by that definition. This blog does however apologise 
if any readers go on to find eating cereal without thinking "I'm
technically giving this spoon oral" an impossible task.

Haven't been posting many fun blogs. I apologise for this also. Good things have been happening, I swear. Just haven't had the motivation to write about my life recently.

Today I hung out with Kelly for the first time in ages. Felt so good to finally see her again.

A lot of the time was spent reminiscing:
ME: What was your favourite day of the year?
KELLY: February 30th.
ME: ...the one day that doesn't exist, right? 
KELLY: Hehe. 
Or talking about 69's:
ME: Do you think other numbers could be used as code for sexual positions?
KELLY: I don't know... what other number go together? 
ME: Umm... 22?
KELLY: That's like a spoon.
ME: Wouldn't that be 77?
KELLY: No, that's too pointy *impersonates someone bending over like a 7* A two is curvy, like someone spooning.
ME: A 88? Fat people sex?
This continued for a while:
ME: After that we're into three digit numbers and... well... that isn't a two person game.
KELLY: 101?
ME: ... Two skinny people and Shamu?
And then came the conversation about household items and cutlery. Spooning, forking, knifing, sporking? Of course they were covered.

Then came the items that were worthy of debate...
ME: Spatula?
KELLY: Spanking.
ME: Umm... since when did people start spanking their cake mixture?!
 Oh.. since then?
Lee is one lucky man.
Hope he enjoys his slice of dat ass.

Kelly was showing off her awesome new phone case too.

Oh, my poor little gamer heart.

Just a quick post today because I've still got to go and make Sara's present. Speaking of...
KELLY: What are you making her?
ME: I'm making her an ark. A biblical ark. That's why I have to be done by Friday, I've got to save us from the apocalypse. I'd save you too, but it's only a two man ark. It's not really an ark at all. It's more like a biblical canoe.
One last conversation before I leave you all:
ME: "What's your favourite chat up line" seems to be the question everyone likes to ask, but I prefer to ask "what's your favourite rejection line?". Mine is "You'd better save your breath, you'll need it to blow up your date this evening."
KELLY: You know when guys say "Did it hurt when you dropped out of heaven"? My favourite is a comeback to that one. "Did it hurt when you dropped out of school?"
ME: Ooooh! That is good.
KELLY: Yeah, but it only works if they ask you the heaven chat up line.  
Later slaters.

Lauren xxx 

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