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Blogger, full-time bum and proud owner of a rubber duck named Bert. Come say hi. I don't bite. Unless you're a cheesecake, then I'd recommend backing away slowly.

Wednesday, 28 November 2012

Tip for those wanting to film drug deals... don't.

Drug dealers are camera shy.

Tuesday marked the first time that our College class were out on location, filming.

We had been preparing for that day for countless noons... Okay, not countless moons. Seven noons. As in seven afternoons. Or one week to you normal people.

On Monday night, a bunch of the class went to Slain's to do an open mic comedy/music thing. Let's just say, the majority of our class turned up late, still claiming to be drunk.

Katie (our group's director) didn't turn up, so as production assistant, I had to warily accept the role.

Reasons why I didn't want to be director:
  1. Directing people on pre-planned shots that are not my own is not something I'm good at
  2. I don't deal very well with bossing people about, usually I just start babbling aimlessly and pointing at things, before doing it myself and giving whoever I was supposed to be giving directions to a thumbs up
  3. If anything goes wrong (i.e. the video is rubbish, we lose equipment, one of the crew gets kidnapped by a German leprechaun etc) I'll be the one that gets the blame.
But hey, I'll take one for the team.

And because I was leading the team, I got the honour of naming them... again. 

We were the beliefers, but I renamed us Team Pineapple juice because pineapple was the day's codeword for hungover, as well as every swear word in existence when out-with the college.

We headed out of the college around 9.45, after having to wait forty-five minutes to get equipment ready and for Sara to give us a pep-talk:

SARA: Please, mind your language whilst your out filming. You guys are representatives of Aberdeen college, and we don't want anyone phoning us up to say "Oh, your students' language is atrocious."
ME: *To group* Okay, we're replacing swear-words with pineapple today. Are you ready to do this pineapple, you pineappling pineapples!

Go out of the class and tried to find my directing style, along the way. It started off as the mother...
ME: Now, does anyone need to pee before we go?
DEAN: I'll go.
DANNY: Me too.
ME: Good, good. We'll wait here.
*Maddie's group comes along*
MADDIE: *holds boom mic out to Shelby* Feel my muff.
SHELBY: *feels mic* Ooh!
SHELBY: Wahhh, she called me a dyke!
MADDIE: That's a horrible word!
Walked out of college, only to be greeted by the stench of weed.

Joanna told me of a story of when she was away on holiday when she was little, and there was a stall selling weed products. Including weed lollipops. Obviously, kids love lollipops, and don't understand the concept of drug use...

So little Joanna wanted a weed lollipop. Well, she wanted a lollipop, not realising that there was weed in it. But got high off of the fumes instead.

Got down to the beach about 10.15am. The rising sun was reflected perfectly off the wet ground, blinding us all with it's beauty. The boulevard was bathed in golden light, whilst a full rainbow hung happily in the sky overhead.  

ME: ... No, this is all wrong. *To sky* WHY MUST YOU FAIL US ABERDEEN!? It's beautiful down here. Look, look at that! *Points to sky* Blue! We wanted dark and depressing, and we get this instead!
 "Quick, someone do a rain dance... and get me a coffee 
whilst you're at it."

Seriously though, Aberdeen was looking very beautiful. After taking a moment to appreciate the beach's beauty, we got down to business...

Business involved buying ice-cream cones.

Joanna was incredibly happy with her cone.
Bless her.

In all seriousness though, (Other) Dean did need an ice-cream cone for his beach shot. Joanna went with him to get one, and decided to get one too whilst she was there.
SHELBY: I want an ice-cream!
ME: Guys, if we're good, we can all go for ice-creams, before we leave.
Danny got a few shots of the beach whilst I shouted at the perfection of the beach.
ME: Look at that dog! *An adorable dog leaps through the water, the wet sand beneath him reflects the dog perfectly* THAT IS PERFECTION. Even the bloody seagulls are looking good today! *gestures towards seagulls, who are being reflected in the same way as the dog*.
Shelby then pointed out a group of baby seagulls, standing by the water's edge. Whenever the tide would nip at their feet, they would waddle as fast as they could away from it.

'Waddle, fat bird, waddle'
Coming to a computer screen near you.

We walked through Codonas. We realised upon getting there that shooting on the premises would be considered illegal. So, not only did we not get our shot, we didn't get our ice cream either.

Life just isn't fair.

We walked back to town, realising that we were grossly behind schedule. 

I didn't know how to get a good shot of Union Street I took a decision to get the Union Street shot later on and decided to skip to the Union Terrace Garden shot. Danny took the camera out, away to film the graffitied sign for the gardens when suddenly, a hooded man popped out from behind a pillar. 

Followed by five of his angry looking friends.

Long story short, we kind of entered Union Terrace Gardens whilst a drug deal was going on... and then took a camera out in their presence.
ME: Um... umm... Let's get out of here, and go to the other entrance, because I don't any of you to get shot or stabbed. Or for the camera to get stolen. I'll get the blame either way.
SHELBY: Surely if you were away to get stabbed, you'd protect yourself with the camera?
ME: Yeah, Kevin's just standing there looking at us like "Why is there a knife sticking out of this camera? 
We came across this sticker on our way to the other entrance.

Part of this wonderful tumblr project.

When we finally go there, a woman was seen jogging around the gardens. We took her on for a brief moment, before returning to filming, only to be interrupted by a passing cyclist.

We film our shot, and then look back to see...

That the cyclist has his arms around the jogger, in an embrace. They sway with joy.
SHELBY: Woah, are the cyclist and the runner getting together?
ME: "You exercise? I exercise! Let's exercise togethaaaaaa."
SHELBY: I see what you did there! 
We had a group huddle (mostly to keep warm) before having lunch at triple kirks.  

For some stupid reason, they'll only serve you if you're over eighteen. Joanna is only seventeen. So I had to go up and prove that I was eighteen, pretending to be Joanna, so she could get her meal.

Only, that meant that I couldn't get a meal for myself, because I had to pretend that I was Joanna... you following me thus far?

Dean ordered me a side of chips though, so I was quite happy!

Whilst we were filming we saw another two rainbows. Shelby described how rainbows come into existence:
SHELBY: Do you think that Jesus just says *puts on bratty kid accent* "But Dadddyyyyyy, I want a rainboooowww!"
When we got back, Sara had a quick scan through our shots. She seemed pleased. 
SARA: You've got a lot of footage of seagulls. You could have a seagull montage...
SHELBY: OOH! I've got the perfect music for that. Hillbilly metal.
But that would only work if seagulls were evi...

 Never mind.
The one closest to the screen looks like
a screamo front-man.

We ended a great day with a four way high-five. A high-twenty. 

Kevin walked in at this point, with all of us preparing to jump, our hands linked like some sort of satanic chanting ritual:
KEVIN: I'm not even going to ask. 
Lauren xxx

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