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Blogger, full-time bum and proud owner of a rubber duck named Bert. Come say hi. I don't bite. Unless you're a cheesecake, then I'd recommend backing away slowly.

Sunday, 5 August 2012

And that is why you shouldn't put trees in a restaurant

INTERIOR DESIGNER BOB: Hey Jim, I seriously love what you've done with the place.
INTERIOR DESIGNER JIM: Thank you Bob! 
INTERIOR DESIGNER BOB: It's just missing one thing.
INTERIOR DESIGNER JIM: What's that?
INTERIOR DESIGNER BOB: ... Trees.

INTERIOR DESIGNER JIM: A tree? In a restaurant?
INTERIOR DESIGNER BOB: Not just any tree. Dead trees. 


This is the conversation that I imagine the interior designers of Zizzi Union Square having with each other.

I mean, I've ate at a restaurant with a tree in it before (haven't we all?!), but I've never ate in one with a forest of trees that look as if they have just been blasted by a nuclear bomb. 

More on that later.

Got to hang out with Kelly today. I jammed out on my bongos to Florence and the Machine for a good while once I woke up first though. No better way to start off your day!

Seriously, they have the best songs to play your bongos along with. The beats are so primal, they make you want to get some mud, draw battle lines on your face and beat the crap out of your bongos. 

"SAY MY NAME, AND EVERY COLOUR ILLUMINATES"
What can I say? Flo provides a perfect battle soundtrack.

I met up with Kelly at night. We were supposed to meet up around five or six (because we give the military a run for its money when it comes to precision...) but traffic ensured that it took roughly three quarters of an hour just to get into town. 

Not complaining too much like. Got to see a dog running away from its owner across a box junction. She was chasing after its lead, taking a dive for it periodically, when she felt as though it was in reach, but the wee thing remained elusive. The dog then ran through the entrance to a flat, owner still chasing after him.

I found the whole thing to be quite amusing, which is horrible when you realise that you're silently laughing to yourself, surrounded by a bunch of strangers on a bus. These things always tend to happen when you're on your own. Typical.


We decided to be adventurous. Kelly and I that is, not the dog and... you get it.

You know you have to seriously reevaluate your life
when a dog jet ski's before you do.

We went to Zizzi, even though neither of us had been there before. Kelly had some sort of yummy looking pasta. It had a fancy Italian name, which both of us completely murdered due to the fact that neither of us understood any Italian phrases... or words at all for that matter. 

We're so bi-lingual.
Might start dressing like this just to soak up 
the stereotypical juices.

Started looking around the place and...
ME: It doesn't feel like we're in Aberdeen anymore.
KELLY: What do you mean?
ME: I... I don't know. I think it's because I haven't been in here before and I can't see Union Square outside. Also... the trees. What is up with the trees?
KELLY: I know! The cellar bit over there looks Italian, but the trees make it look like some cold place, like... Narnia.
ME: Narnia? Out of every cold place on earth, you chose Narnia?
KELLY: *realising her mistake* Yeah, what makes it worse is that it's not even a real place.
ME: *sarcastically gasps* Do you mean we're not in a cupboard right now?
KELLY: *looking through the trees* ASLAAAAAAN.
 But it was no use... Aslan was on the other side of 
the room, eating a waiter for taking three quarters 
of an hour to take him the quattro stagioni he ordered.

"I GET BETTER SERVICE IN NARNIA AND IT'S A
 MYTHICAL KINGDOM!"

KELLY: Imagine dressing up as Aslan and just wondering about the Gramps, looking through trees and shouting "ASLAAAAN".
ME: Oh, that is definitely what I'm going to do for Halloween. 
We then got talking about Bare Naked Ladies... I love that band. But I hate their name. It's impossible for a female to say that she enjoys listening to them without sounding like a raging homosexual.


It's happened to me before actually.


FLASHBACK TIME.


Sara and I just came away from HMV, speaking about a band that we had seen in there, Bare Naked Ladies. We were waiting to cross the box junction to go to Starbucks, having a conversation that looked a little bit like this:
ME: I love Bare Naked Ladies!
At this point, a man in front of us turns around quickly with a giant, perverted grin on his face. Sara looks at me as if this was the best moment of her day. I don't look so thrilled.
ME: The band. The band Bare Naked Ladies.
Obviously the damage was done. Once you plant the idea of a lesbian session in a man's mind, there's no way to snap him back to reality.


And I wonder why people think I'm a lesbian.


FLASH-FORWARD TO PRESENT DAY.


I was telling this story to Kelly. Safe to say, I haven't learned from my mistakes.
ME: *recapping story I have just told you all* "I love Bare Naked Ladies".
At this point, the waiter deemed it appropriate to come over to give Kelly her food. And then scuttled off again. So those five words were all that he heard out of our conversation.
ME: *in shock that it happened... again* THE BAND! THE BAND!
Kelly just about pees at the awkwardness of the situation.


We then went onto desert. Kelly had a yummy chocolate melt with.... uh... some ice-cream looking shiz that wasn't ice-cream.


Technical term.


I went for a hot chocolate instead. The amount of faces I pulled at it was unreal.


First, I discovered that it had no handle. Containers with no handles freak me out.


"No handles? WHAT IS THIS MADNESS"

Second, I realised that the waitress had given me a tub of sugar cubes. Call me a horse, but sugar cubes are THE BEST THING EVER. You never seem to see them in restaurants now though, so I took the oppurtunity to gleefully pop a couple into my handleless cup before drinking it.


Then, when I did get around to drinking it, it was insanely light. Like, you know your cups at Starbucks? Cut the heaviness of that in half. That's how light this drink was.


Probably wasn't light in calories, but whatever. You only live once.


Kelly then starts an epic 'Inception' convo. You start talking to me about 'Inception', and I'm like a spinning top totem in a dream, I never stop.
To be honest, the only way you can stop me is
 by shooting  yourself in the head. And even then
there's no guarantee.


As we got up, I pointed to the left of us. There was a mural of Aberdeen on the wall, with sky scrapers and other things that represent what Aberdeen is all about. I sighed as I noticed one of the pictures on the mural...
ME: Why is it that anything that attempts to capture the spirit of Aberdeen has to have a seagull in it?
"WE RUN THIS TOWN BITCH! GIVE ME A ROWIE!"


In other news, Kelly linked back to this awesome day by telling me that she finally won that stuffed toy that she's been yearning for ever since June. 


Yoshi.


(Okay, so technically she'd have preferred Toad, but seriously, how awesome is Yoshi?)


She was at Codonas with her Mum and two of her cousins (I think it was her cousins, they were small children anyway) and had a spare 20p in her pockets. 


A thing you must understand, is most teenagers loathe loose change. I went through a stage of rolling pennies down the street because I hated them so much.


Anyway, she took the 20p and shoved it in the nearest grabber machine to get rid of it. She didn't expect to win anything, so she had nothing to lose. She went for a Yoshi toy and... BOOM. She won it.


I imagine this is what her reaction to
winning the toy looked like.

Of course, the kids were jealous of Kelly for winning her toy. But she couldn't give her toy to one of them, because it wouldn't have been fair to the other.
KELLY'S MUM: You've got to help them win something Kelly. And if you do, you'll have to give your toy to the other. So I was like...
ME: *pretending to play grabber machine half-heartedly* Awwww DRAT... missed again.
KELLY: No, no, I did try!  
We headed down to Peckham's after that for a chat. 


Which, turned into a two hour epic.


Kelly ordered a americano because she's got a new found addiction to strong coffee. 
KELLY: I bought one of those cups... you know the ones that mochas come in when you're in Starbucks? One like that. I took it to work and put some water in it with two spoonfuls of coffee... And I was like "You know what I haven't done in a while? CARTWHEELS."
ME: I did something like that not too long ago. I was like "I wonder if I can still do a forward roll? ... I got stuck. It took two minutes for me to get myself out of that position.
Kelly's americano and my peppermint tea came soon after. I poured myself a cup of tea and looked inside the teapot, jumping back in alarm when I peered inside.
ME: There's a teabag in here!
KELLY: *laughing* What did you expect?
ME: Tea.
It was a great night! Hanging out with your friends never gets old, does it?


Lauren xxx

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