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Blogger, full-time bum and proud owner of a rubber duck named Bert. Come say hi. I don't bite. Unless you're a cheesecake, then I'd recommend backing away slowly.

Friday, 13 July 2012

Insomnia is for wieners

It is 3.15am. On Thursday... Or at least, it was at the time of writing.

If you are a normal, functioning human being, your brain will be telling you that it is still Wednesday evening as I type this, due to the fact that that was the time of day it was when you went to bed.

If you are like me however, your brain is lucky to still be registering that it is Thursday morning, and not 3.63am on Sunday the thirty-first of February 1969.

The artist was clearly eating brownies
at the time of creating that image.
Special brownies.

Again, if you are like me, you’d have smirked at the 69 reference.

And if that was the GIF you thought of immediately 
after seeing the number 69, I think we may just 
be the same person.

Realised that I haven’t written a proper day-to-day life post since bowling last month… and haven’t consistently written since I’ve left school. Funny, how you can be crazily busy and still find the time to write for fun, yet not find the time when you have literally nothing to do.

For that, I apologize. I know that I have like, two people who read my posts, and the thought of pissing off those incredibly patient and tolerant wonderful beings is not a pleasant thought at all.

To be honest, the reason I haven’t been writing to you all more regularly is because of the simple fact that I haven’t really had either:
a) Many funny moments to talk about
b) A lot of time to talk about them

Ahhhhhhhhh. My foot just found a cold place in the bed, heaven.


What? Some people like cold pillows, I like cold spots in the bed.
Random fact that has very little to do with anything in this post: It apparently takes longer to reach an orgasm when you have cold feet. I have absolutely no idea where I heard that from, but I can guarantee you that it wasn’t from school.
3.30am now… can you tell that I’m sleep deprived from my going off on tangents?

Oh yeah… I do that regardless of how much 
sleep I’ve had. My bad!

My Dad got shouted at by a woman pushing a trolley around a shopping centre on Tuesday in Livingstone.

He literally stepped out of a shop and this wifey turned to him, scowled and said:
MOODY WIFEY: Get the fuck out of my way.
You can take my trolley, 
but you’ll never take my freedom!


Moody wifey did not look like Groundskeeper Willy... just clearing that up.

Moody wifey aside, Livingstone is a lovely place to shop! Lots of choice and great prices too.

Also, their schuh sells Batman converse. Converse and Batman, together? Oh, my poor geeky heart cannot take much more of this.

Holy nerdgasm Batman.

Anyway, I’m going to try writing day to day posts more regularly again. I miss documenting how amazing the people in my life are. Their stories deserved to be shared with the world….

Sadly, they’ve only got me to tell their stories, so the poor things amazing one liners and antics only get shared with two people… most likely my friends themselves.

Sorry guys.

Also, I’m wanting to write some more serious pieces too. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

3.45 am… just realised that I should have used this half hour to write my review of ‘Magic Mike’, which I saw today with Michelle. I can’t say that the film disappointed me, because I didn’t go in expecting anything great, but I did expect it to be more of a comedy than it was.

More to read in the upcoming review, if you’re interested.

Remember, insomnia isn’t for winners, it’s for wieners.

Lauren xxx

P.S. because insomnia is for wieners, I’m considering adopting the phrase “Well, call me a hot dog and smother me in ketchup”. Thoughts and concerns on that phrase in the comment box si vous plait.

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