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Blogger, full-time bum and proud owner of a rubber duck named Bert. Come say hi. I don't bite. Unless you're a cheesecake, then I'd recommend backing away slowly.

Thursday, 14 June 2012

The joys of being a chopstick walrus

When you turn eighteen, people tend to have certain preconceptions of you...

They expect you to be a mature, morally responsible human being who is more than partial to a couple of drinks.

For example, this is deemed perfectly normal
weekend behavior.
Except from if you're at University...
Then it's perfectly normal weekday behavior.

Of course, this isn't the case for many of us. Many of my friends would probably look at the photo above and mistake it for an extremely low budget sci-fi movie attempt at a alien abduction ('You can take my freedom, but you'll never take my keg stand!' is coming to a cinema near you February 31st 2013), and the others are more social drinkers than hardcore alcoholics. 

And as for me? Mature? HA. I was pretending to be a walrus by sticking chopsticks in my mouth. If it helps, Kelly was doing it too... 

We didn't premeditate it. It occurred quite naturally, which might be the most terrifying part of it.

I mean, one minute you're eating your chicken katsu curry like:


And the next.... well:


Hey, I wouldn't have it any other way. I enjoy being an odd-duck.

Daaaayuuum, who's a fluffy bitch?
(Private joke...for Sara's benefit)

Anyway, just decided to pop on here to tell you about the wonderful day I had yesterday with my lovely friends!

Of course, it's just my luck that I only really hung out with each of them separately... I wasn't segregating them or anything! It just happened to work out that way.

First off, I had a large linner/dunch (that's dinner/lunch for the rest of you) with Kelly at Yo! sushi. They insist on asking us if we've been there before, despite the fact that we've been there together more times than most of the staff. 

Kelly decided that no linner/dunch session was fit without a picture of a bloody knee.

To cut a short story even shorter, I'm going to use bullet points, because bullets equal danger, and danger equals speed:

 That's why this guy runs so fast in all
his movies.
  • Kelly got drunk after Connor persisted in slipping 'ginger spice' into her drinks. She didn't realise that she was mistakenly referring to the drink as the spicegirl for the entire night.
  • Kelly, Kristina, Connor and I decided to walk home.
  • Kelly tripped and fell over, before blaming it on a pothole
  • Kelly then screamed "I DON'T LIKE HOLES!" and didn't recognise the innuendo 
Anyway, Kelly's Mum had to disinfect her knee in the early hours of Sunday morning. Of course, disinfectant's main reason for existing is to be used as a torture device, but the alcohol numbed all sense of feeling away for her, so she didn't even flinch when her Mum was applying it. 

She decided to take a photo of her knee that night too, you know, because you want to prove to other people that you have battle-scars.

When she woke up later that day, her Mum told her to come beside the sink and she'd disinfect it again. This time, a very hungover Kelly felt it.
KELLY: Arrrgghh, that hurts!
KELLY'S MUM: You weren't complaining last night, and that was fresh!
KELLY: I was drunk!
I can't remember that much of our conversation to be honest... I just remember laughing hysterically for the majority of it. She enjoys doing this thing where she's decided what she's wanting to order and I'm still musing over what I should have, so she presses the buzzer to put me 'under pressure'.
KELLY: Better decide soon!
ME: *flicking through menu* DAMN.
WAITRESS: Can I help you?
KELLY: Can I get a chicken katsu curry please?
ME: Make it two, thank you. *Waitress leave* I hate you! That's so uncool.
Kelly then had to go to work, and I had to stay in town in order to get access to the olympic torch relay concert, so I ended up wandering aimlessly around town. Then I bumped into Kristina.

Love it when life does that. 

She had some time to kill before going to work, so we went for a coffee/hot-chocolate at Pret. 

Kristina was overjoyed with the star of cocoa powder the staff gave her on top of her hot chocolate, so was really upset when it began to melt into the drink itself.
KRISTINA: Did you get it? Did you get it? IT'S DISAPPEARING! Did you get it?!
 BOOM.

It was shortly after that that Kristina had to head to work, and left me alone to lull over my latte. I managed to sneak access to Cafe Rouge's wi-fi (NO REGRETS) and got a hold of Halle on twitter. She said that she was going to the Olympic relay concert, so she'd meet me on Union Street.

I'd say there was a thousand, possibly more, people there, but luckily, I managed to spot her. She was with one of her twitter friends, Gemma, who was absolutely lovely! We were all there for one reason... the pride of Aberdeen and the night's headliner, Emeli Sande.

Coca Cola handed out noise makers that resembled frisbees, the chavs in the night's audience turned them into weapons, the red frisbees of doom smashing into the sides of crowd-member's heads at random. This caused pain for those unlucky enough to get hit and mass hysteria for the rest of us. 

Chav is an alternative spelling for
fear-monger after-all.

Of course, with all those chav's around, a little bit of weed was an inevitability. I don't know how, but as soon as you smell it, you can identify it straight away, even if you've never smelt it before. It's odd. Why even smoke that in a public space? Same goes with the cigarettes. There are kids going about, dammit, just wait a couple of hours and smoke it when you're not surrounded by people!

Rant over...

The concert had lots of things going on. It started off with the red hot chili pipers (Not to be confused with the red hot chili peppers. Sadly, it wasn't them). Then went onto a dance group, then, onto a DJ set with special guests Twist and Pulse. It was this weird sports group after that (they almost dropped the poor gymnast... twice) until, the person we were all waiting for, Sande.

I seriously love this woman's hair

She waved to the crowd as she got on and off stage and, in general, was just a sweetheart. Her set was horrifyingly short but she made her mark on us all... God, can that woman sing.

The torch bearer came on stage after that, look at how proud she looks!

Doesn't that just warm your
heart?

All in all, it was a brilliant day! Just getting to see Kelly, Kristina and Halle would be enough to make me a very happy girl, but getting to meet Gemma and Lucy and see Emeli Sande too... for free? Tipped me over the edge.

Lauren xxx

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