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Sunday, 8 January 2012

Oh, we're going to eat pizza

Vengaboys - We're going to Ibiza.

Seriously, it sounds like they are singing "We're going to eat pizza".

No? Well...
You have now.

Went to Aimee's 18th Birthday party yesterday, had a good laugh!

I knew that Ashleigh was going to be there (we have this thing where we say that I'm her pimp, and that she's my hoe, for more information, please read the first part of this blogpost) so I wore my new coat. 

It has a furry collar.

Who's yo' Daddeh?

Anyway, when we got there, Lucas and Lewis were standing outside:
ME: Hello!
LUCAS: Hello! Have you been in yet?
ME: No, have you?
LUCAS: No, Bev's fell and hurt her knee.
As the night went on, I learnt every single detail about this story. 

Basically, Bev's Mum was dropping people off at the party. Bev got out of her car, took literally two steps onto the pavement and face-planted. 

Ouch! But hey, her Mum must have got out of the car to see if her Daughter was alright, right?

"Bye darling!"

Guess again. She drove off, leaving Bev on the ground, with a bit of a twisted ankle and a bloody knee.

But hey, her friends must have been there for her, helping her and what-not, surely!

Umm... not exactly.

They laughed at her failure... for about an hour.
SARAH: That was the best moment of the year so far!
Isn't that what friends are for?! 

Got to speak to Erin, whom I very rarely get to speak to, which makes me upset. She's one of the sweetest people I've ever had the pleasure of meeting, so not getting to see her much is really gutting.

We shared a moment over panda pops

Artists representation of the coolest drinks ever made.
These remind me of my childhood.
ME: Do you remember panda-pops?
ERIN: *getting excited* Of course! They were am...
ME: *bear-hugs Erin* You're my soul-mate.
We then asked Kristina the same question:
ERIN: Do you remember Panda-pops?
KRISTINA: ... What?
KRISTINA: What?! *pulls cute face*
ERIN: Panda-po...
KRISTINA: Oh! Oh! Yeah!
What then happened was I hugged Kristina, kind of awkward seen as Erin was sitting between us. Erin then got upset that she wasn't part of that hug so we then had a group hug.

This moment was interrupted by Aimee cutting her cake.
ERIN: Oh no... are we going to have to sing Happy Birthday?
ME: Oh... I apologise for my screeching. 
ERIN: Does anyone else just mime along with everyone else? I always do that.
Sheer genius! I've always just persisted in lovingly screaming like a banshee for my friends. Maybe it would be a more loving act if I did everyone the courtesy of just pretending to sing along.

Poor Aimee was then blinded by a entourage of cameras, flashes going off in every possible direction. Terribly concerned by this, Ashleigh asked:
ASHLEIGH: What kind of cake is it?
KRISTINA: It's a big cake. 
Not quite that big. 

We went up to get drinks after the cake's candle had been blown out.

Kristina went up first, the incredibly cheery bar-lady (hint the sarcasm) asked her if she wanted ice. She said yes. 

She didn't have the common courtesy to ask me and Erin the same thing. I wasn't annoyed by this, seen as I would've been angry if I had a warm BRU.

There's NOTHING worse than a warm BRU!

But Erin seemed genuinely upset about this.
ERIN: We didn't get asked if we wanted ice-cubes!
ME: ... So we didn't!
ERIN: Kristina did!
*We both look towards Kristina, pretending to scowl. Kristina is oblivious to this and smiles sweetly at someone across the room*
ME: How rude! I say we go up and *mimes dropping an ice-cube down the bar-lady's top*
*Erin shivers in a look of discomfort, similar to that of men when they see someone getting hit in the crotch*
ME: Precisely.  
Instead, we sat in our wee corner and talked for a while, contemplating whether or not gorilla's have eyebrows (a question that not even google can answer!) and why the smoke machine randomly pumps out toxic smelling fumes towards the DJ's booth on random intervals (Lucas concluded that someone was trying to murder him).

The food was then unwrapped, resulting, of course, in a giant stampede

Save the child! SAVE THE CHILD!

Sophie waited a while, before subsequently going up, grabbing a whole platter and taking it back to the booth.
ABIE: Sophie...
SOPHIE: *Munching on a chicken drumstick* What? No-one else was eating it! 
She then picked up her platter and made her way through the dance-floor...
ME: *To Kristina* Is she away to dance with her platter?
Indian name - Dances with food

Sophie was just making her way around the room however, there were no dancing chicken drumsticks.

However, there was some supremely awesome dance-moves on our parts.

Me and Lewis put our own spin on the robot dance:

You know the move where you put one of your arms in a right angled position and push with your other hand, so it spins around?

Well, we both did that at the same time, so it resulted in us giving each-other a high five.

Flawless victory.

There was also:

  • The "Reel it in" move that me and Sam created (You just pretend that you are fishing in time to the beat)
  • The "Eating pringles" move that me and Rachel created. There's three parts to it; You scatter the pringles in a sprinkler fashion, you dip the pringles into the dip stylishly and then you shovel them into your mouth. Easy way to remember it? "Whap 'em oot, dip 'em in, gobble 'em up!"
  • And possibly the coolest move of the night, Kristina's shoplifting move. You grab the groceries from the shelf and shovel them into your trolley to the beat, then you pull a running man. Simple and effective.

Of course, what's a party without a little 'drama'?

Me, Lewis and Kristina got really happy over something, so we gave each-other a group hug, once we disbanded, we saw a very angry Michelle from across the room.

You see, Michelle likes Lewis... a lot. She's told him that she finds him sexy on a few occasions, and has tried lap-dancing on him a couple of times too.

Lewis, being the humble guy he is, has denied all of these advances, several times resulting to hiding behind people's sofas to get away from her advances.

Obviously, the hug was not supposed to upset Michelle, we were all just hugging because, hell, isn't that what friends do?

Sadly, Michelle didn't see it like this.

She stops dancing and stares at us from across the room. I put up my hood and hide. Lewis breaks eye-contact with her. Kristina frets:
KRISTINA: I don't have a hood! *hides*
RACHEL: Ohhh! 
Michelle starts storming over to our table, Rachel now begins praying for me.

Michelle arrives at our table... she then hits the deck and climbs under the table, crawling towards Lewis.

Michelle then pops up at Lewis' knees
I think I blanked out after that, don't remember what happened. At all.

I think it was then that a song came on that made me laugh, because it reminded me of this: one of the most hilarious maths lessons I've had

This song always makes me laugh now

New word alert:
Groob - gropeage of the boob area
Don't groob guys. Boobs should be earned, not groobed at random. 

Ways to earn boobs:

  • Be sexy
  • Be funny
  • Be sexy
  • Have an awesome pick-up line
  • Be sexy
  • Don't be a douche
  • Be sexy
  • Be filthy rich
Situations where you're going to sneak a cheeky groob:
  • When you're drunk
  • When you're desperate
  • When you're not sexy
  • When you're not funny
  • When you're an utter douche-bay
  • When you've just delivered the world's cheesiest pick-up line
Speaking on behalf of males, boobs are good!
Speaking on behalf of females, groobs are bad.

Sorry, Ashleigh tripped over her words on Friday night and the word 'groob' was born.

And just like that, the night was done and the only thought I had left was:

I know a lot of amazing people, and I'll never take advantage of them. 

These amazing people are my friends and it makes no sense for that to be the case! I love them so much, but I'll never be worthy of having the privilege of being able to call them my friends, or to even say that they are part of my life. 

Seriously guys, I love you so, so much. Thank you for sticking by me.

Lauren xxx

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