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Blogger, full-time bum and proud owner of a rubber duck named Bert. Come say hi. I don't bite. Unless you're a cheesecake, then I'd recommend backing away slowly.

Monday, 2 January 2012

Great to know that we are your valued customers...

I also offer unhelpful advice
and give damn good hugs.

Two miracles happened today:

First (and most amazingly), I got up before noon. 

I had breakfast before noon.

I didn't even know that breakfast was a real word! I thought brunch was the first meal of the day.

Second, I managed to function, despite watching 'The Dark Knight' until 4.30 in the morning


Almost wrote 'In The Mourning' there. It's a parawhore thing.

Anyways, I felt obliged to watch 'The Dark Knight' that late because
  1. Halle and I were planning on going to the cinema to see the third Alvin and the Chipmunks movie and I flat out refused to make that film my first watch of 2012.
  2. It's the last year that Christopher Nolan will be directing a Batman film, so I thought it was a fitting tribute.
  3. It's insanely awesome and you need no excuses to watch it, regardless of what ridiculous time it is.
I paid for the late night by walking around all day like this => 0_0

This is what I looked like this morning.
Sorry for the photo, I was feeling a bit 'ruff'.

I was up to have a cinema day with Halle... or at least... that was the plan.

Cineworld are being a pain in the ass and whenever they swipe Halle's unlimited card, it refuses to let her get her ticket.

Well, Halle's a blackbelt. 
You have a choice ofignoring the computer and letting
 one of your most loyal customers into see a 
movie, or refusing her entrance and
risk getting punched into next week.
Your choice.

She's going for her second dan this year actually. That means that she could take on this guy:

Using only her pinkie... toe. 

Although, if he wanted to, Chuck Norris could knock someone into next week, wait for them, then knock them back into the past and they will never know what hit them, because it hasn't even happened yet...

Hey, if it's deep enough to confuse Bush, it's
 deep enough to confuse the majority of 5 year olds

Back to the serious stuff... the supervisor came over to talk to Halle about getting this card fixed, she told her to go home and phone the Unlimited card helpline.

That's not going to help us get into a film that is already packed and started half an hour ago though now... is it?

Things like that annoy me. We pay over £170 a year for those cards and get treated like that!

It was okay though, we just headed to Starbucks.

Ahh, corporate greed never tasted so good.

It took twenty minutes to get my toffee nut latte.

Joey would have done it in two. Joey would have said whipped cream like "Wheeped creem?". Joey would have have looked sexy whilst doing all of this.

Joey, for those poor souls who don't know him, is the sexy Russian/Polish/foreign barista at LSD's regular hang-out. 

LSD - Lauren Sara Dougal.

Sometimes, Andrew comes to hang out too, making us LADS. We like it when this happens.

Had a great chat with Halle today. We were just talking about 'Snogmanay' and how awesome us scots are.

Take for instance, the way we talk about getting drunk:
"Aye, I got totally ______ last night!"
Now, you can insert any word you like in the blank, and it would still make sense to a Scot. 
"Aye, I got totally hammered last night!"
"Aye, I got totally tinseled last night!"
"Aye, I got totally big-mac'ed last night!" 
Boozy burger?
Boozy bugger!

Seriously. Try it out!

Halle then started shouting out in the middle of the apple store:
"Mine's feels bigger!"

She was talking about her iPad you filthy... *sighs*

Lauren xxx

P.S. Big apologies to Megan, whom I did not see munching in T.G.I Fridays. I need to go to specsavers.

P.P.S What does P.S stand for?

P.P.P.S. P.S. stand for "Post Script". Does that qualify me as a guest on Q.I?

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