About Me

My photo

Blogger, full-time bum and proud owner of a rubber duck named Bert. Come say hi. I don't bite. Unless you're a cheesecake, then I'd recommend backing away slowly.

Sunday, 29 January 2012

Be right back: Getting funky with my bongos.

If you don't see flowers spinning around you're
head whilst your passing out on your sofa, you're
not getting funky with it.

Hang your head in shame little stoner.

My neighbours are loving me so much right now, because I have a new morning ritual.

I get up, eat a croissant (clearly essential information) and then go upstairs to my bedroom to play my... bongos.

I'm not great at them. But I love playing/murdering them because it makes me feel like this guy:

Nothing beats a bit of Donkey Konga!

I can't use the term "getting funky with my bongos" without someone laughing...

Apparently, it sounds like a sexual reference. 


Ms Grant didn't turn up at all today, not that I'm complaining! It just meant that we didn't need to sit in our crappy little seating plan.

Who even does that?

The projector was broken, so it kept flashing on and off, thank God no-one in the class had epilepsy, or we'd have had a serious problem.

I believe a fail of this magnitude would have
Possibly even worse.

Rachel was standing by the door, looking very lost.
ME: What's wrong?
RACHEL: Have you seen Abie?
ANDREW: She's definitely here.
ME: Ahh... is this so you can bugger off to Reception duty?
RACHEL: Yeah, she's not answering her phone!
ME: Have you got her new number... remember she's using another phone just now.
RACHEL: *Remembers* Ahhh! You're a genius!  

Kelman strolled in about half way through the period... with a cast on his hand.
SARA: How did you manage that?
KELMAN: Playing football. 
The broken hand? Not the tragedy here... The tragedy is in the fact that Kelman passed his driving test only two days ago, and now cannot drive for the next thirteen weeks.

It's not all pterodactyl tears and puppy dog pouts however (I have an addiction to alliteration, help me), he seems very pleased with one part of his condition:
KELMAN: I get an hour extra in my exams!
SOPHIE: So? It just means that you're in there longer! 
Sophie was telling us all her life plan:
SOPHIE: I'm thinking of applying to Big Brother, although I still really want to go onto Don't forget the lyrics... Maybe pointless too.
SARA: *eyes light up* I love pointless.
ME: She had a bad experience with it though!
I'm referring to the time when she told our English class that there was a sequel to 'A Streetcar Named Desire'  because it said so on Pointless...

That same night, she discovered that the show clearly lied to her, inadvertently causing her to lie to the rest of our English class.


Sophie's planning on getting famous by going on a variety of different game shows, including talent contests such as Britain's Got Talent and So you think you can dance. 

That being said though...
ME: *Talking about the lottery quiz show at the weekend* It was a simple question like 'Name movies which Nicolas Cage has appeared in' and you woul...
SOPHIE: I don't know who that is.
SARA: Neither do I.
We're going to stick to non-intellectual game shows I think, with Big Brother topping the list.

All you've got to do act like an idiot on acid and boom, you get money, free lodging and instant 'fame'. What could possibly go wrong?

Y'know, apart from gaining a few crazy stalkers and 
being hated upon by the vast majority of the
 British public?

That being said, Sophie's can't be beaten when it comes to 'The Sound of Music' questions...
SOPHIE: I know all the lyrics, all the dialogue too!
LAUREN: I love that little g...
SOPHIE: Gretel! *Looks proud of self* 
SARA: I've never seen 'The Sound of Music"
Sophie at this point basically dies. 

Sara doesn't seem to register Sophie's 'death' however, as she carried on reading her modern work to me in Plath's voice.
SARA: I've decided if I don't get into University and my career as a comedienne doesn't take off, I'm going to become a professional Sylvia Plath poetry reader.
I'd kill to see the look on the career wifey's face if Sara told her the plan.

You see, Sara has discovered that she can impersonate Plath very well...

And although she usually uses this new found skill for what I can only describe as evil (she'll say "ich" repetitively in Plath's tone, the line she's quoting makes our entire English class burst into fits of laughter because of it's sexual undertones. She'll quote that line at the most awkward moments possible), she's now started slipping into it whilst reading statistics and (strangely enough) Shakespeare.


The common room has been opened once more, after two long months of not having anywhere to go...

I lie. It's been two months in which we are close to toilets, food and plenty of seats.

In the common room, we are far away from toilets, food and there is never enough seats for everyone at break.

I haven't been in the common room since it has been open (I'd say it's the most sensible decision I've ever made in my life) but apparently it stinks.

I can only imagine that the smell of rotten dust and out of date food has only accumulated over the past couple of months...

Altogether now, ewwww...

Instead of going up to investigate... we headed down to the hot bar and watched Lewis becoming a musical prodigy... on his iPod.

Mozart in the making


More or less Mr Shaw burying his head in the sand at the ignorance our class has towards the subject.

Do that all you want Mr Shaw, we're not going
 to get any more intelligent!

He turned to insulting Abie and Rachel instead... as usual. He did try to apologise however!
MR SHAW: I'm sorry Abie...
ABIE: *whispering* You should be.
MR SHAW: *frightened* Did you just say "You will be"?! 
I am Abie, hear me roar!

Wednesday wasn't that eventful.

Had another driving lesson in the afternoon however. Reached for the gear stick and instead started feeling up my instructors leg...

Can't decide if the fact my instructor is my Uncle 
makes it more or less appropriate...

You decide!

Lauren xxx

No comments:

Post a Comment