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Monday, 27 June 2011


This is badminton:

This is not:
Got that?



You know how last week, we actually did something in P.E?

What can I say, we're back to our old ways.

Me and Kelly did, however, sit on the cycle-y machines (excuse my technical jargon) and...

Observed people.

Mainly the game of "tennis" that Laura, Sam and Rachel were playing.

It wasn't Tennis, they were hitting the tennis ball like a shuttlecock, so they were technically playing badminton.

Other end of the hall? Dougal, Andrew, Andrew, Lucas, Aaron and Chris playing badminton... that resembled an extremely intense game of tennis.

I say intense?

Dougal and Aaron had the best celebrations ever.

Dougal put his hands up in the air in jubilation. Aaron then practically tackled him, giving him possibly one of the greatest bro hugs in the history of bro hugs...

It looked like this...
But much more heterosexual.

Liam came over (with his cool, new, blue streak in his hair) and complained because he couldn't whistle.
ME: Blow a feather 100 times!
LIAM: Wha?
ME: It learns you how to whistle! Wait... I think I got that information from a Disney magazine...
KELLY: Because a Princess is a reliable source of information!
ME: It wasn't a Princess!! It was... the seven dwarves.
KELLY: They are always whistling though!!
ME: Precisely, they had to learn how to whistle too! They didn't come out of the womb whistling!
KELLY: How do you know? They were made by witches!
I don't understand that kids logic sometimes... So I googled it.
Google doesn't know.
Therefore, no-one knows.

If that conversation wasn't weird enough for you...
ME: What would be the weirdest appliance to date?
KELLY: ... a tumble dryer.
ME: They've got a good spin cycle though!
KELLY: But it's slow, doesn't do a lot and actually removes the wetness out of things. 
Bad appliance for a long term relationship.

And yes, I did honestly have that conversation today. Shoot me.


Kelly played about with some tinsel today...

Not a lot happened. Our Art class is fairly uneventful! 

Man... I should really start doing some work in that class.

After the Summer holidays, I swear!

Lauren xxx

Why are we still fighting?


Is it a fairy-tale? Something we can aspire to, something we can chase, but never actually achieve? It feels like that some of these days. Even in this modern day society, people are filled with so much hatred and contempt, they fail to befriend people who are different to themselves, and they miss out on experiencing one of the most wonderful things in life: Diversity.

I know quite a few gay people. And do you know what? I can't see why anyone would be able to hate them. They are all lovely. By the end of this blog post, I hope to enlighten you about the hardships that the LGBT community have gone through over the course of history, and why it's ultimately up to us to decide whether or not equality is a fairy-tale, or a reality.

The persecution of homosexuals stretches as far back as 535, where Emperor Justinian blamed unavoidable disasters such as famine, earthquakes and plagues on the existence of gay people. The gay community were subsequently beaten, burned at the stake and shunned by society. These very early incidents fuelled further attacks, with some gay men being burnt at the stake whilst attached to their lover, some being castrated and others burned between the thighs with a red hot iron. 

Between 5,000 and 15,000 men and women were sent to concentration camps for being homosexual, where 60% of them were thought to have died, due to the intense, dangerous workload they were given. The mark of a gay man in the concentration camp was a pink triangle, which Nazi soldiers used for target practice. Those who were not sent to concentration camps were sent to Nazi Doctor's for scientific experiments in an attempt to "find a cure for homosexuality".

That's the strange thing... homosexuality was considered to be a mental disorder. To some people, it still is. The American Psychiatric Association declassified homosexuality as a mental disorder in 1973, but some people (mainly members of a religion such as Christianity) still see it as a fault of the mind, a repressible desire. Aversion therapy is used (controversially) to 'treat' homosexuality, but has been rumoured to cause mental disorders and even suicidal tendencies.

With recent changes in legislation, New York for instance, just legalized gay marriage, you would have thought that humanity took one step closer to equality... right? 

The thing is, there are still seven countries in which homosexuality is punishable by the death penalty. Sudan, Mauritania, Saudi Arabia, Yemen, Nigeria, Somaliland and Iran, where 4,000 people have been executed since 1979. The hatred that straight people show towards gays is unreal. During an attempted gay pride rally, a bus full of members of the LGBT community were trapped as a mob surrounded them, screaming "Let's get them out and beat them up!" and "Beat them to death, don't let them escape!". They were ordered to burn their pride materials in order to get away unharmed. The sickest part of this?

The police were standing less than 100 metres away, ignoring not only the angry mobs chanting, but also nine emergency calls from those trapped inside the bus.

The LGBT community can get married in New York. Brilliant. But that should not be news. Who are we to dictate who others can or cannot love? We are who we are. The only difference between us heterosexuals and our homosexual friends is the gender of the person we love. People who cannot see past the gender? They are not open minded, they do not fight for equality and they do not understand how many brilliant people they have prevented themselves from making friends with. 

A homophobe is a homophobe. It doesn't matter if their behaviour is 'justifiable' by a religion, because most scripture to do with sexuality has become grossly out-dated.

Take The Bible for example, it agrees to the following:

  • For any childless widow to have sex with each of her Husband's brothers until she bears her deceased husband a male heir
  • The treatment of Women as property
  • The use of prostitutes (but ONLY if a male is using them)
  • Having sex with slaves
  • Executing married couples who have sex during a woman's period
  • Prohibiting inter-racial marriage, discussing, or even naming, a sexual organ, seeing your parents naked or using birth control.
The Bible was written at a time where these were acceptable views to hold. But we are in the 21st century. These are NOT humane, these aren't even legal! Slavery (as it was known in those days at the very least) has been abolished, divorce is incredibly common, as is adultery and the first point is considered to be rape.

So tell me... if these are out-dated... why isn't homophobia too? 

Too many LGBT teenagers have committed suicide as a result of years of torment from their peers. Too many years have passed where homosexuality is deemed to be sinful, or a mental disorder, or curable. Too many people have died as a result of their sexuality to give up on equality for all now.

Are you going cut off Rapunzel's hair? Force Snow White to bite that apple? Stab Cinerella with her own glass slipper? Or are you going help write their happy ending?

You have the ability to help re-write the course of history. But the decision lies in your hands to whether or not you are going to pick up the pen and do so.

Sunday, 26 June 2011

The Hangover part II review

"The Hangover" came out in the summer of 2009, and proved to be one of the year's (if not the decade's) most successful comedy.

In an era where comedies have become increasingly romantised (That noise you heard, just a second ago? That was the groaning of several thousand heterosexual men who have been emotionally blackmailed by their partners into watching the dreaded "rom-com"), "The Hangover" provided a much needed break from the average plot-line and allowed the first well made, genuinely funny comedy aimed primarily at men, although proved to be appealing to women as well. It was a much needed piece of escapist cinema that received both critical and financial success...

So, obviously, a sequel was made.

And the general public began to panic.

"What happens if it's not so good?", "Is Alan going to be in it? I'm not watching it if Alan's not in it!" and "What could they possibly do with the plot" were all questions I heard getting asked when people first heard about the movie... and all I can say is:

It is good.
Alan has a much larger role in this one.
They take the same, successful plot and place it in another country.

In "The Hangover Part II", Stu is getting married to his beautiful fiance Lauren in Thailand. Of course, all of the wolf pack (with the addition of Lauren's brother Teddy) head over to Thailand with Stu to help him celebrate his big day. Despite many wary incidents in which Stu attempts to avoid "being roofied", the inevitable happens and they end up, passed out, in a dingy motel room, losing Teddy but gaining a rock 'n' roll monkey in the process. Stu wakes up with a face tattoo, Alan wakes up with a bald head but none of them wake up with a clue to what the hell happened last night. Just like the previous film in what appears to be the trilogy, the gang need to retrace their steps and embrace the hilarious madness that is unfolding around them.

Of course, the question you will ask anyone who has seen this film is "What's better, the first one or the second?" and the answer is... it depends.

I feel as though this was the more enjoyable film, purely because people had the expectations of being disappointed by this particular sequel, and it proves to be a great comedy, in comparison to the original, which had been, by the time I had finally gotten around to watching it, so highly praised, it reached a point where I had such ridiculous expectations for the movie, my expectations simply could not be met. If you loved the first one, you'll like the second one. If you liked the first one, you'll love the second one. Either way, you cannot deny that the movie is a great piece of escapist cinema that is well made and incredibly humorous, regardless of gender, age or race.

As Alan said "When a monkey nibbles on a penis, it's funny in any language."

Zach Galifianakis reprised his role as the lovable oaf that is Alan, and other than the monkey) was the funniest character in the entire film. The acting of "the wolfpack" was brilliant, and allowed the actors to show their comedic timing. Everyone had their roles:

  • Alan was the comic relief
  • Stu was the victim
  • Phil was the leader
  • Mr Chow was the insane Asian
  • Teddy was the guy who got lost 
  • And Doug was... well... there.

My problems, when it came to acting, laid firmly in Mason Lee, who played Teddy in the film. He had no good lines. The only purpose he had in the film was to be the expendable character that the guys could lose without the audience caring. They cast the actor who, if I am being brutally honest, didn't act, but merely turned up when he was supposed to and recited his lines. 
However, Teddy had such a minuted part to play, that the lack of acting for his character is hardly noticeable and doesn't have an effect on the films ability to make you laugh.

Todd Phillips directing is great, with the iconic scene which features a smoking monkey sticking in the mind of the viewer, the paparazzi style, flash bulb photography providing an interesting new technique instead of the usual, cliched shots that most comedic directors resort to using. The fact that Alan saw himself and the rest of the wolfpack as children as he mentally retraced the crazy antics they got up to the night before really cemented the insane atmosphere that the film is able to create.

The plot is, by far, the reason to go see this film. Or rather, the script is. The plot is identical to the first one, the script is similar, but the jokes haven't grown old. It has the same gross out, belly laughs that the first film managed to create, but just amplifies them, mostly in the form of physical humor, such as Stu's reaction to checking out Phil's bullet wound or Alan throwing the anchor out of the boat, despite the fact that it was beached. 

Is the film similar to "The Hangover"? Yes. It's almost identical. But if you want to laugh, then I say either buy the original film and watch that, or stop complaining and go to see this film.

Dr Seuss can inspire Advanced Higher art and don't let anyone tell you differently!

He really does look like a Doctor...
I think it's the stripy hat.
I suppose the guy in the glasses has 
a certain "Doctor vibe" about him too.


I was quite happily reading the book that Mrs Sparkly hat (Goddammit Sara, you've got me calling her that too) gave me when bang.

Okay... wrong use of onomatopoeia. 


In walks Mr Whyte.

Reading is disrupted, the prefects had to go down to the science lecture theatre, which is home to the most uncomfortable seat in the universe...

Okay... second most uncomfortable
seat in the universe.

So there we sat, bored, uncomfortable, hot... and barely listening.

There was a debate about the effectiveness of the new way of registration, where they put first, second, third, fourth, fifth and sixth years together in one class.

Most of us didn't like the new way, mainly because either:
a) We were separated from our friends or 
b) We had to put up with little... annoyances.

Mr Hughson fought fiercely for his opinion on the matter to be heard:
MR HUGHSON: Before, a third or fourth year, as often the case, was acting up in registration and it set a bad start to the working day. I've heard some stories about fourth years doing something stupid, and a few of the seniors have turned around and said "Stop playing the goat!"
ABIE: Who said that?
ME: Who says goat?
Creeping children out since birth.


Free period was spent in the library.

I know, what a good little nerd I am...

HOWEVER, I was looking up Banksy.

So, call me a nerd if need be... but be sure to put "rebellious" before it.

I couldn't find a picture of
a rebellious nerd... So please,
 accept this picture of a rebellious
 goat instead.

Banksy is awesome... nothing but respect!


Kelly was looking for tinsel.

You see, she was trying to make top hats for her art folio. Top hats based on different occasions.

Kelly is a genius. At least... I think she is. Some others must think she is an idiot, because her questions are so random and her design work is innovative. But as Einstein said:
"The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits."
I agree with that. 

My blog, my opinion though, right?

Kelly is a genius.

I have no doubt in my mind that her top hats are going to look amazing.

But right now? They are plain and quite honestly, look like they came from a high end, Amish boutique.

Sure, it looks like this now.
Give her a few months and it will have fairy lights, 
tinsel, a Christmas tree and baubles galore.

Mr Aburtnott asked what Kelly was doing her folio on:
KELLY: Hats.
KELLY: NO! Hats.
MR ARBURTHNOTT: Cats on hats?
KELLY No. Just hats.
MR ARBURTHNOTT: You could have cats on hats. 
Kelly wasn't sold on this idea.

And with that, we were off to find tinsel. We went to the base first:
KELLY: Have you got any tinsel?
TEACHER: ... You do know it's not December, right? 
People at the base usually have some sort of learning difficulty... so patronizing questions are a common occurrence. But asking if someone knows it's December? That's taking the biscuit!

And don't you just hate thieves?

We then went to P.E, and they had tinsel... in fact, they had several pieces of tinsel and fairy lights!

Needless to say, these lights were the first things to be tested out when we got back to the classroom.

After that we began playing about with the tinsel got back to work immediately.

Kelly had it wrapped around her head and neck.

Then she forgot she had it on and went through to the Computer room...

But not before she bumped into Mr Tullock and Mr Arbutnott...
MR ARBURTNOTT: She's lost it.
MR TULLOCK: Cuck-ooo!
MR ARBURTNOTT: She's been on the edge for a while but she's finally lost it.
I was really amused/angry by the fact that I walked by my twitter friend Andi, without even recognising it was him.

Well... I said to myself, when I looked at his face and then at his camera:
"Hmmm... that could be Andi... naaah!"
But it was... small world huh?

Mr McDonald was away for the whole double period. We had no cover teacher. We could have easily went home. And yet, only one of us had the sense to.

Not going to name that person... you know... just incase the school liaison officer stumbled her way onto this blog and started reading (hey, weirder things have happened)

The night was the best part of Friday though!

Went to the cinema with one of my best friends, Halle, to see "Bridesmaids".

I think I'll review it later on. It's brilliant! Go see it if you can!

My favourite quote of the film was:
"Do you want to put your American sausage in my English McMuffin?"
We were forced to go on a wee journey because the 3 bus stops were changed because of the road works and we didn't really know where we had to stand to get on the bus.

We walked across the bridge into Torry and watched the sea cadets practising rowing...

Yeah... they needed the practice.

They were going round in circles.
ME: If these are the new sea cadets then we're screwed.
Once we got off the bus, we got tooted at by a car, turning round, I realise that it's Calum and Sophie.

^My face when I realised it was them^

Have you ever tried giving someone a hug through a car window?

It's not an easy task, but for Calum and Sophie, I gave it a damn good shot. I love those guys. 
SOPHIE: Where are you two going?
ME: We're going to toast marshmallows. Where are you's off to?
SOPHIE: We're away to someone's party, it's their 18th.
I loved that, they were off to get bleezing and we were off to eat marshmallows... awooo!

That's how we roll! 

So after that, we went back to Halle's Grandparents' house and toasted marshmallows on forks, on a gas fire barbecue as we listened to songs on a boombox style "wireless".

Halle started singing (and yes, dancing too) along to certain songs... one particular song sounded like it was sung by what could only be described as a castrated male and caused her to go so high, several local dogs began barking.

Not even kidding you.

Forget the opera stars breaking the glass with the beauty of their voice... Halle can make dogs howl! That's more impressive than breaking glass.

Anyone can do that...
Just find a glass and a hammer.

Some of the marshmallows we toasted were a little bit...


Marhsmallows burn really well. They are like pieces of edible wood.

Edible wood? I'm writing this at 2am. Please, forgive me for this making no sense what so-ever.

Lauren xxx

Saturday, 25 June 2011

I don't think you're meant to actually meant to sit on tha... oh. Suit yourself.

If this (it's not real by the way, it's plastic) was just at the entrance of a restaurant, would you be able to resist the urge to clamber on top of it and make a complete tit out of yourself as you make "Vroom" noises and pretend you are a member of the notorious Hell's Angels?

I've had to drag myself away from the motorcycle many times... Will power has never been a breeze for me.

However, one old man decided "Screw the rules!" and did what all of us wanted to do, but none of us had the guts to do.

Anyways, back to that later.

All of our first years found their way to registration!

Our children are geniuses.
I'm so proud.

One of the other first years did get lost however, she was adorable! It took me two attempts to find the right room, but hey, she just seemed happy to find her way back to the room.


Ms Hay was doing a presentation on a new course, which wasn't great news for Caitlin, who was planning on doing her modern homework for the next period during P.S.E

Then Mrs Anderson was heckling us into running for House captain. 
CAITLIN: You should do it!
ME: Naaaaah.
ME: I couldn't be assed with it!
MRS ANDERSON: Who's sporty here? It helps if the House Captain is quite sporty because of the tasks they wi...
ME: That's me out then.

Ate some toast with this amazing chocolate and caramel spread on it.

This proves that God didn't rest on the seventh day... he made this brand of chocolate spread. It's heavenly!

An example of heavenly food
It seems like it should taste
amazing... But it has wings.
Good luck catching it.

Lucas was a wee hero and gave me a loan of his bass guitar
It's cherry red! *dies*

So I was playing it for an hour or so, in the common room.

And when I say "playing"....

Well, let's just say this guy
probably sounded better than
I do.

Also, maneuvering around town with that on your back is difficult. 

The members of the general public were in constant danger with me carrying that bass around on Thursday!

Rachel, Sara and I attempted to hum the theme-song to the Rugrats...

On the crowded bus.
US: Do-do-do-do-do-do... DOO do-do-do-dooo...
*nods* We're awesome.


Basically, we were just talking about dissertations and reading some hilarious personal reflective articles.

The quotes include:
"I've been poked to death, and not in a good way."
"If facebook is the dude with the questionable hygeine who sits next to you on the plane and is voted most likely to end up in the newspaper in a story ending "...and then turned the gun on himself", Twitter is the charming and enthusiastic young student who offers to share her iPad with you during the flight and smells of roses and cloves."
Read the rest of James Rhodes article here. 
"Fast forward 15 years and Katy Perry is on prime-time TV squirting whipped cream out of her breasts, while the uniform of the world’s most famous pop star, Lady Gaga, seems to be her birthday suit"
"I’m no prude, but I do find it depressing that the charts are dominated by women such as Nicole Scherzinger, whose latest single has her singing “me like the way that he push up on me” (and as for the grammar… well that’s another column entirely)."
Read the rest of Bryony Gordon's article here

We talk about the weirdest stuff in that classroom.

Ms Sparkly-hat (as Sara likes to call her) is awesome, as is our class!

Lauren xxx

Thursday, 23 June 2011

Are fish reeaaalllyy wet?

Sometimes, you get asked questions so blatantly obvious and stupid, they become genius and unanswerable. 

Today, I got asked one of these questions.

As always, it was by Kelly.

It was bucketing down today.

I felt more annoyed than usual by this rain.

I only had to go in for one period... that period was "study".


Luckily, Hayley updated Paramore's Livejournal this morning, and it gave me the encouragement that I badly needed to get me out of the dry, warmth that was my house. 

And Jimmy Eat world kept me company at the bus stop (specifically "Hear you me", which has basically been on repeat since Steve recommended it to me a couple of days ago)

Okay... they didn't actually keep me
company. But their music did...
Nice sweater.

However, when we got into registration, we quickly realized that there were two first years missing.

Scott (a little later) wandered in.

Shania still hadn't turned up.

So we started panicking (this was our child after all!) and went to go look for her.

Thankfully, Hayleigh had her. I had an overwhelming urge to hug her. I finally understood how parents felt when they were reunited with their lost child.

Or... how this guy feels when
he sees a container full of 
orange sauce.


Sat down. Chatted. Attempted to read book. Failed. That was it...

I got soaked for that!

We took Lauren and Shania to their next class, and then I went home.

I walked Kelly home first though. She asked me:
KELLY: Are fish really wet? Because when you're in the water, you don't feel wet. So are fish really wet? And are we dry?
ME: No... because it's raining. 
That kid makes me laugh! Some of the stuff she comes out with are insane.

In the best possible way.

Had my second driving lesson after that. It went... well.

For the first half an hour.

After my Uncle told me about a way to ensure your car is level to the road which involves lining part of the wipers up to the kerb, I've been using it almost constantly to avoid... mounting the kerb.

Of course, it was raining, the window wipers were on... and for five seconds every minute or so, the wipers would move and I couldn't tell whether or not I was driving straight...

I'll learn how to drive this car if it kills me...


Lauren xxx

Wednesday, 22 June 2011

Fresh meat?

First years.

Now, as a member of the eldest year group in school, I've seen my fair share of first years. 

Some were annoying, some were cute, some were loud, some ate just about everything and some (as you will soon find out) are a little bit homicidal.

Yes. One is the reincarnation
of Jack Torrance.

So there we were, first, fifth and sixth years alike, all in the same room.

The fifth and sixth years (who's job it was to guide the first years round the school) far outnumbered the first years. 

Can I just add, the first years are adorable.

Me and Linzie are looking after two in particular: Shania and Lauren.

We decided (justifiably, before we met them) that we were going to set some first years up. Like a Kincorth dating service.

Oh look, this one chose basketball... and so did this one! It's meant to be.

When we saw how cute and innocent they were, the idea quickly got slapped out of us.

It's like setting up a dating agency for puppies. 

Sadly, doggie dating agencies do exist

Regardless, we abandoned the plan and treated them (or should I say, forced to treat them) to a tour of our disgusting beautiful school.

So, I waited outside the drama studio with Lauren, and we waited for Linzie and Shania to come out.

Linzie came out... alone.
ME: Where's Shania?
LINZIE: I thought you had her!?
ME: No, you had her!
LINZIE: I was speaking to Mrs Anderson! Have the boys got her?
ME: No, she was behind me!!
Within two minutes of moving, we had already lost a first year.

If only losing weight was so easy.

I went ahead and took Lauren to see the astro turf. There's not much to look at. 

Then we saw Megan, holding a tub (she baked cupcakes for her first years) and a top hat (she wanted to be like Willy Wonka).

Mrs Murray did not like the top hat.
MRS MURRAY: Take that off right now and see me at the end of the day!
Megan had a good reason for wearing that top hat though...
MEGAN: Some of the first years are taller than me, so I had to stand out in some way so they could see where I was. They were all scared, I was just trying to lighten the mood...
She forgot to mention that she wanted
to look "spiffing" *pretentious head wobble*

Linzie had found Shania. Thank God, I got worried!

We just took them on a tour of the school. The same thing was said about four different times. The first years were still confused.

I do not blame them for being confused. It was only their first hour in the school, I'd be impressed if they could remember where their registration class was.

They didn't.

But hey, it's only their second day at Kincorth... I don't expect them to know where they are going!

Glen has bigger problems though...

He's got the homicidal first year (whom, for the purposes of this story, we'll call Heffy)

HEFFY: *sees saws in the technical department* Saws!!
GLEN: Don't touch them!
Heffy decides he's going to touch them.
HEFFY: I'm going to chop your heads off! Ayyy! *attempts to touch them... again*
No Heffy! Bad Heffy! *slap*
Pretty sure Heffy isn't the boys name.

From second period onwards, all of my year began referring to the first years as "my children".
LAURA: I'm away to pick my children up from Science.
RACHEL: *panics* Where's my child?!
SAM: Someone took them to the toilet.
RACHEL: *calms down* Phew... I thought I lost them! 
We have bonded. I did not think that this would happen. But it has, kudos to Kincorth, they've done something right for a change!

I felt bad for the earlier comment I made, where I asked whether or not we could chant "Fresh meat! Fresh meat!" whilst the first years piled out of the cold bar. I was joking. But I still feel bad!


That being said, I dislike the first years for one reason (and only one reason)... They kicked us out of art.

Okay, they were timetabled to have Mr McDonald the same time that we were. So priorities... the first years got the classroom and the teacher and we were told to bugger off down to the end room.

No worries, Kelly kept us amused by looking up funny sentences and funny questions. Here's the best ones:
How do you handcuff a one-armed man?
Do siamese twins pay for one ticket or two tickets when they go to movies and concerts?
Did Noah have woodpeckers on the ark? If he did, where did he keep them?
Do glow-in-the-dark objects stop glowing when somebody turns the lights on?
Do people in prison celebrate halloween.... if so how?
If milk goes bad if not refrigerated, does it go bad if the cow isnt refrigerated?
If a transvesite goes missing, would you put their face on a carton of Half and Half?
It was the last one that had us in fits... who asks those questions!?!

Kati is the love child of Miley Cyrus and Forest Gump...

Seriously, she has the perfect voice for it!


Nothing really to say about English... Ms Struthers is cool?

But Grrr... one more double period of silence and I'll have to get Heffy to sort it out!!

Going to leave it there...

Enjoy the nightmares.

Lauren xxx