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Blogger, full-time bum and proud owner of a rubber duck named Bert. Come say hi. I don't bite. Unless you're a cheesecake, then I'd recommend backing away slowly.

Saturday, 18 June 2011

That's one convincing mime!

Woke up feeling very inspired this morning, that's always good!

It was upsetting in registration though... Dr Robertson's fish died. 

It's okay though, he lived in this fish tank, so 
it didn't take long for him to be flushed
into the plumbing of heaven.

I love all of the Japanese inventions... I really want that toilet now!

But I'd feel weird, having a pee whilst a fish was watching behind me...

Especially when you consider they don't blink...

Try to pee with this guy watching you!

Linzie was genuinely distraught about this fish. But then I pointed out something:
ME: He lived in school, I'm surprised he lasted as long as he did!!
But then, boom! Dr Robertson revealed that he has a goldfish that was fifteen years old. I think that's awesome! That's 210 years old in fish years!!

Yes. There's such a thing as fish years. Don't believe me? Look it up!

The other thing that happened in redgy (I don't know why I spell redgy with a d, seen as there are no d's in registration) was the annual "reading out of the late library books"... or, as I like to call it, "let's embarrass people by telling the world what their reading habits are!"

Some 5th year boy had a book called "Nudey Dudey" out, and it was two years overdue.

Linzie and I are determined to corrupt a first year, make them take out a book on the first day they are here, and not to return it until the last day of sixth year. Then they'll set an unbeatable record for overdue library books!

It's the simple pleasures that make life so interesting, I swear.


I felt as though I needed to wear a hard hat sitting in that class.

Mrs Anderson has people doing little jobs for her, so John was standing up on the desk, directly next to the third floor window, taking the pins out of posters and letting them drop. Directly behind me.

Had a feeling I was going to get a giant paper-cut! But I didn't, it's all good!

However, Mrs Anderson was really scared that John was going to fall out of the window and die.
MRS ANDERSON: Nothing has happened in 24 years of teaching!
MUKHTAR: 24 years? Ms, you must have been teaching since you were a baby!
MRS ANDERSON: I started teaching when I was two...  *several sniggers* Don't you snigger at that!

Me and Megan headed to the library in order to let her get her English homework done.

I kind of distracted her though... I always distract her.

She was telling me about a schizophrenic man she saw earlier this week:
MEGAN: He had a suitcase and a travel bag *picked up and rolled her imaginary suitcase several steps away* and started moving them *walked back to original position, picked up travel bag and placed it on top of suitcase* back and forth.
This process was repeated it several time before she then sat down.

And I swear to God... this is what I automatically said:
 ME: Aren't you going to pick up your bags?
Cue idiot test!

I'm going to blame it on her amazing miming, rather than my own stupidity (but, of course, that came into effect too)

One of the modern classes were in the library, which is an important fact as the modern teacher is a hulk of a woman.

Well... not in appearance.
But you wouldn't like her when she's angry.

I was having an in-depth conversation with Megan when I was cut short:
MS MOIR (I think it was her!): The next person to talk is going to be sent back upstairs.
If our thoughts had faces, surely
this would be the expression on them
at that moment in time...
Told you she was a hulk!

Struan had a butter toastie at break, because there was no cheese, ham, tuna, chicken or any other acceptable toastie filling (we ate everything).

Kati came in after break, and we had a very intense game of fooseball. 

ME: That's kind of the point of the game!
Sara was enjoying watching this game, mostly because Kati's reactions were... insane to say the least.

She began making high pitched noises, causing me to reply:
ME: It must sound as if we're trying to rape a cat in here.
2012 (end of the world!) came into conversation... again.
SARA: We're not going to die.
KATI: Do you not believe the Mayans?
Me: When something ended in Mayan times, it was a cause for great celebration. So maybe we're just going to get a massive party?
KATI: What, one that no-one knows about? 
ME: Yeah! Maybe it was thrown by God or something...
KATI: You just see God's face in the sky "Haha! Surprise!"
ME: "And for your present, you know what I got you? WORLD PEACE!".
KATI: "All the natural disasters? That was just to ensure you didn't know it was a surprise party!"
ME: And then, the volcanoes will erupt... with confetti.
I think the conversation last longer than this... Bwahaha. I'd love it if that happens.

We headed out to Grammar after that.
KATI: My Mum totally stole my thing, I said "Mum, do we have any shampoo left?" and she replied with "Miaow."
ME: *laughing* what?!
KATI: Your Mum is friends with that! 
How do you say cappuccino?

Do you say "Cap-ih-chee-no" or "Cap-oh-chee-no".

If you say the second one, congratulations! Starbucks has a print of a cappuccino cup, with the phonetics of "Cap-oh-chee-no" under it.

I'd have it in my house! 

I love coffee.

Had a lovely chat with Sara and Kati. Can't remember everything we talked about though. Something about overdosing on strepsils.... don't do it.

We started talking about our "hot" teacher and the "special friend" she was talking about on Tuesday:
ME: We all know that special friend means that she's........
Long pause.
SARA: F**king him.
I'm never going to be able to look in that poor woman's eye again.

When we got to Grammar, I decided to ensure that our class would be less awkward today than it was on Tuesday:
ME: Okay, let's try to be less socially awkward than we were on Tuesday!!
LINDA: I'm always socially awkward, so it doesn't really matter for me!
EMMA: I wouldn't say I'm socially awkward, I'm just awkward.
ME: I would have easily talked, but I didn't want to be the one to break the silence!
Dougal came in after that, he wasn't happy that we didn't wait for him. Sara then pointed out that he left us and decided to "make a special friend".

The whole "let's not be socially awkward" thing worked! Ms McPherson is called the "cool" teacher for a reason...

Although... both of them are cool.

But one's cooler than the other, and the other one is "hotter" than the other.

*shivers* I dislike using the word hot to describe:

a) A teacher. How creepy do I feel?
b) A woman. One, I feel as though i'm being disrespectful (let's face it, women prefer being called beautiful, hot seems to be purely a sexual remark) and two, I feel as though I'm a raging homosexual (I'll fight for equality, but I'm not actually gay).

We were just reading over a few personal reflective stories (one reminding me so much of my Grandma, I was trying so hard not to cry) and then did a creative writing excercise, where we had to list our pet hates...

Dougal (being Dougal) had a two page list that included things like:
  • LIDL
  • Nice people
  • Norweigans (sorry Norweigan readers, I love you.)
  • Buses
  • Trains
  • Planes
  • Waiting
  • Koreans (Again, sorry Korean readers... love yah!)
After reading out some of the things he had on the list, there was a little bit of a reaction:
MICHAEL: Once upon time, there was a man called Hitler...
Dougal then made a risky joke about being a Nazi...
MS McPHERSON: If you are going to write that, make sure it's not for your personal writing! The SQA markers honestly get a check list and have to mark down any concerns they have for your mental wellbeing. *To Dougal* You would just be walking down the corridor and you disappear to a SQA holding cell.
We then got onto a (very lengthy) discussion about teachers and examiners:
MS McPHERSON: We had a science teacher who had a brain embolism, but he came back to school to work. Of course, he was never quite the same, he was slow to react and it effected his teaching. Not trying to show my age, but there was a store on Union Street called (I can't remember the name) and it sold jeans, but whenever you bought a pair, you got a bouncy ball. So there was always one kid who took one to class, threw it off of the metal shelves at the front of the class and someone would catch it. By the time he turned around, there was nothing to look at. It was a shame really... but there was also this store, and we got to dissect rats back then, but for whatever reason, they always came without heads.
Cue slightly disgusted reactions.
MS McPHERSON: The store was always left open, and one day, someone stole the rats and replaced the blackboard erasers with them... And I still remember sitting in German, watching my teacher pick up the "eraser" only to discover it was a decapitated rat.
We were all laughing at that one (it was hard not to afterall!)
MS McPHERSON: That remains one of my favourite moments... ever.
Then we started chatting about teachers and (seen as they don't work at Ms McPherson's school, we were allowed to, risk-free!) 
JORDAN: We had flirty examiners.
MS McPHERSON: Oh no! What, with eachother or...
JORDAN: No, with eachother.
MS McPHERSON: Was away to say, sitting an exam when an examiner slyly slipped you his number... it would be distracting. 
I think Ms McPherson has an obsession with the apprentice, she brought it up three times in the space of two hours!
MS McPHERSON: They were trying to make a magazine for old people who still enjoy life, and try to remain youthful, which they got off to a great start by wanting to name it "Coffin dodgers" *makes an "are you serious!?" face* They finally made a decision and named it "Hip replacement" as a play on the word "hip" and because "it's something that all old people can replace with".... NO IT ISN'T YOU IDIOT!
Hip = Cool
Hip = Part of body

I actually like the name!
MS McPHERSON: Then they had to choose a front cover *rolls eyes*. So they were taking pictures of pensioners giving eachother piggy backs, and they couldn't even get up... after all that trouble, they ended up picking the one picture that deserves to be on a knitting magazine, where the old people are staring directly into the eyes of death... or eachother... whatever one they are meant to be staring into. The other team? They weren't much better! They wanted to make an "Intellectual lads mag", with none of the women or boobs that lads mags are known for. So what's on the cover? A woman in a bikini... but she's wearing a blazer, because she's a businesswoman (!), she's wearing glasses, because she's smart (!) and she's got a hard hat on... *poses* And they named it "Covered up", because all of the women are covered up.
And with that one conversation, I wished I had watched "The Apprentice". 

It's also fairly apparent that some incredibly strange conversations are going to spring out of that class...
MS McPHERSON: I've still got two bees in a box at home... had them for fifteen years.
SARA: Are they still alive?
SARA: Forget I asked that.
MS McPHERSON: I swear, I used to be the bee whisperer, they'd let me tickle them! 
Don't worry Sara, we all ask stupid questions in the heat of the moment, besides, I think Ms McPherson took the heat off of you with that last statement.

She says that the class are going to the train station to "people watch" (a.k.a. being creepy), so being really nosey, I can't wait to "absorb" people...

I always say I'm absorbing people, instead of observing them.

Three cheers for absorbing people!

Lauren xxx

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