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Blogger, full-time bum and proud owner of a rubber duck named Bert. Come say hi. I don't bite. Unless you're a cheesecake, then I'd recommend backing away slowly.

Sunday, 12 June 2011

Inhaling noodles: It's not recommended

Let's get to the point (for once).

The way our school has run since we were little first years has been stabbed, murdered, and is now buried in a bush, only to be replaced by a "new and improved" version of said running...

It's not new. It's not improved. If the school's new way of running was a sequel, it would be "Jaws 2", or, worse yet, "Batman and Robin".

All I can say is thank God for Nolan.

If that isn't bad enough, I'd say it was about as useless as the "Saw" sequels.

NOTE: I was going to insert a picture of Jigsaw here, but I quite literally have just given myself nightmares by looking at him on google images. Please, do a movie geek a favour and look him up yourself.

Seriously, Jigsaw dies in the third film. He was the villain and one of it's main characters, "Saw" only existed because of that guy... STOP THERE.

Urrr.... what was I saying?

Oh yes! School.

In the "good old days", (i.e. last month) registration classes went by year group, which were divided into houses, which were then divided into two classes. You understand me? 6th years who belonged in the Fyvie house were split into either 6F1 or 6F2, 3rd years who belonged in the Edinburgh house were split into either 3E1 or 3E2 and so on, so forth.

In order to create what Mr Whyte describes as an "in-built buddy system", we have been plucked from our individual registration classes and put, two or three pupils from each year, into a registration class. Me, and my friend Linzie, were placed into F3.

It's slightly awkward.

Felt a bit like this.
Maybe it was because I was sitting next to Linzie and
we were having some pretty epic banter whilst the rest
of our class sat there and frowned?

Out of a class of roughly 20, I know three people's names:

Linzie, Calum and Chloe.

Out of these people, I speak to Linzie.

And Dr Robertson, I suppose.

So, some of the other changes:

A "Time out" card has been introduced, allowing a teacher to send a misbehaving student out of their class, inducing a time out, and ensuring that the particular student asks themselves specific questions, such as "Why was I sent out?"

Outcome: You know it's going to be a failure.

They expect the 6th years to look after the 1st years. Excuse me while I laugh.

Outcome: You know that's going to end up in a kidnapping escapade. Unless they are put into Megan's class, then they will receive cupcakes. Nae bad for the lucky few.

Mr Whyte has deemed crossing the road to reach the field where we stand during a fire alarm to be 'unsafe', meaning that we now have to (Quoting  Dr Robertson here) "make our way through the school to reach the sports field". 

First, walking through the school to get to the fire alarm meet up point? Through the school? Through the burning school? Do I need to point out the flaws in that plan?

Secondly, we meet at the astroturf directly beside the school? I thought astroturf was flammable, or at the very least, melted given a hot enough temperature. Brilliant idea there Mr Whyte.

Outcome: Fatalities.

So we had a fire-drill, we made our way around the offices, through the long grass and to our new meet-up point. Being a hayfever sufferer, and seen as it was such a lovely Summer's day where the pollen level was high, I had began to get all "bunged up".
ME: The pollen is more dangerous to me than the bloody road! *sniff*
What made it even more frustrating (and hilarious, to a certain degree) was the fact that the Senior management team wanted us to get into alphabetical order.

So, I looked around my registration class aimlessly, like a confused, headless chicken...

I'm unsure whether  or not a headless chicken would be confused. Due to their lack of a brain, I suppose they would.

The reason I was confused? As said before, me and Linzie didn't really know anyone's first names, let alone their seconds. I knew I was not directly behind Linzie, but I knew that I would never be able to find my correct place.
DR ROBERTSON: You're meant to be doing Advanced Higher English, surely this shouldn't be a problem to you!
ME: Oooh...
Bless him, he felt bad for that one.
ME: C'mon Dr Robertson, we need to get along this year!! 
I stood there and listened to Mr Whyte rambling on about... something insignificant.

Then I heard the best joke I had heard in absolutely ages:
MR WHYTE: Those of who who had came past the Swimming pool on your way here, please go past the offices on your way back, those who came past the offices, pass by the swimming pool.
ME: Clearly, this is a very demanding fire. It clearly cares whether you came and left in a specific manner and whether or not you are standing in alphabetical order.
LINZIE: If this was a real fire, I wouldn't be standing here, I'd be halfway home by now!
I don't understand why they made us leave in that manner.... Totalitarianism much?

Didn't actually have any real periods on Monday, as the Higher Psychology exam was in the afternoon and me and Sara went home to revise.

Seriously, we revised.

Then we ate noodles.

Or, rather, we inhaled them.

Mr Ping is not content with us as we did
not savour the noodles.

I know they were only supernoodles, but wow, Sara cooks them well.

The reason we inhaled them was because we thought that Sara's Mum was going to give us a lift in, but she wasn't feeling well, and we didn't find out that she wasn't going to be taking us in until 12.05... our exam was in 55 minutes, and we needed to get down to Torry.

Through what we can only describe as the love child of a miracle and good luck, we arrived at Torry Academy, not only on time, but early.

The exam went fairly well... Forgot a piece of research evidence on (ironically enough) forgetting however. But other than that, I'd say it went fairly well.

Also, Torry exam hall is strange, it's built at an angle, so it feels as though you are taking off when you sit down, and your pen rolls off of the desk if left unsupported.

(Spent half an hour attempting to find a picture of the crooked house Marshal and Lily bought on "How I met your mother", came up with nothing. Sorry bout that.)

Lauren xxx

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