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Blogger, full-time bum and proud owner of a rubber duck named Bert. Come say hi. I don't bite. Unless you're a cheesecake, then I'd recommend backing away slowly.

Tuesday, 1 March 2011

Killed by a pineapple.

Okay, what gives? It's a glorious, Summer's day... that is freezing and in Spring. So confused.

Linzie was telling me that her cousin took Advanced Higher French and for it, she has to speak to an examiner for twenty minutes, straight up, in French.

Eh... Impossible?!

I can't remember half of the stuff I learnt in French. I remember:

Je voudrais deux timbres si vous plait (I want two stamps please)
Je t'aime. (I love you)
Voulez vous coucher avec moi? (Would you like to sleep with me?)

Linzie remembered "Ce n'est pas ma tasse de thé" or, It's not my cup of tea in English.

So our French conversation would go like...
ME: Je voudrais deux timbres si vous plait.
EXAMINER:  Nous sommes dans une école, pas un bureau de poste!
ME: Je t'aime... Voulez vous coucher avec moi?
EXAMINER:  Ce n'est pas ma tasse de thé... *winks*
ME: Le paedophile!!! LE PAEDOPHILE!
I may be able to get an A in Advanced Higher French with that.

Or a lot of bribe money. Either one.


Despite being in 5th year, I spent the period doing a job that P5's usually do...

Ripping the labels off of folders.

So was doing that with Linzie, Sara and Claire. 

Linzie and Sara had to climb up onto a chair (Health and safety? Eat your heart out) and place the folders on a shelf, in colour order...

Then Linzie went and dropped the folder on my head. Thanks for that.


Brilliant period, drew a graph, and in terms of "work", that's all I did.

We went onto a new topic about populations, and Ms Duncan made it into an elaborate role playing/fantasy idea, where our class was abandoned on a deserted island.

Hammock not included.
MS DUNCAN: You'd land on the island and the first thing you would be thinking would be "Hmm, I'm hungry". So what do you eat?
AARON: Chicken 
JASON: Pineapple. 
MS DUNCAN: How would you eat the pineapple.
STEWART: Make tools.
MS DUNCAN: What kind of tools?
STEWART: A pineapple cutter.
MILTON: Wait... Is there any cows on this island? I'd like some milk.
MS DUNCAN: There's goats! Now, after you eat some food, what do you do?
STEWART: Make shelter.
JASON: Couldn't you just sleep under a tree?
EMMA: You might get killed by a pineapple whilst your sleeping.
What a horrible way to go.
MS DUNCAN: After that, you're going to need some sanitation, what do you do?
MILTON: Dig a hole.
ABIE: With your hands?
MS DUNCAN: Then what?
STEWART: Cover the hole pack up, or just leave it... *says something about holes sorting themselves out*
MS DUNCAN: *blank look*
STEWART: Have you ever made a sandcastle?
Spoke to Kelly at break about awkward pool moments. Like when you're stuck behind someone that is going up the stair out of the Swimming pool and their ass is in your face?


Or how about Old men wearing speedos, that don't leave much to the imagination?


Worst one? Getting water from someone's swimming trunks getting spilt onto your face because your climbing up the ladder just behind them.



I got an A!!


Hardly even revised. I'm chuffed with that.

We were just continuing on with our Design folios. Mine's is coming along but no-where near fast enough. Hurry up Lauren!

Listening to Rachel talking to Mr McDonald made my heart smile. 
RACHEL: So do you love your wife?
MR McDONALD: Of course I do, she's my best friend.

Overheard that Lauren broke up with her boyfriend by text message... that's not cool!!

Stephanie has a kick ass new hairstyle, really short. I wish I had the guts to cut it that short...


Hell. HELL!!

I knew I failed that maths exam... 30%. Gaaah.

Technically, it was 31%. If you rounded it up.

Ahh well. I tried my best.

Only Dougal passed at our table, he's such a genius. He managed to get an A.

Sophie got three 6's... Haha, should have seen her face. Mixture of shock and happiness. Bless.

We were meant to find out where we went wrong for the double period. Double period? I need a month. 70% (or 69%!) was wasted because I had no clue.

Just wanted to go home and cry at my failure. Even though I was expecting it and even though I know most people failed it.

Felt sorry for Calum, Mr Hughes was treating him as if he should know these things. ALL of these things. So he can't remember a formula! Don't keep pestering him to give you the answer! Tell him what it is so he has a chance of remembering it.


Educated Calum about Wowzies though, and Calum, if you are reading this, information about Wowzie is here! And you are my Maths buddy and I'm glad we're both still on the course! ^_^

Ahh well.

Can't believe it's only Tuesday. This is insane.

Waiting for my Maths tutor to get here. Poor Charles. He fairly has his work cut out for him.

Lauren xxx


  1. Hello, It's Calum! I think I've been to Wowzie's place :O!!! haha! I'm sure thats the place where you can get a milkshake with any sweets you want in it? Love this post.. especially the bit about Mr Huges. GRR. So annoying!

  2. Heyyah Calum! So many people have never been! That's a sin to confectionary, straight up. They have the finest ice cream there... nom nom nom ^_^

    I THINK so! You can't miss the shop, neon green and pink all over the outside.

    Gaaah, I know! My tutor totally helped me out, even he was struggling on a few of the questions and he said that one of the questions needed further trig... we haven't even DONE further trig! xx

  3. We will need to go to this shop after the final maths exam. Just to celebrate! ahaha! :D I'll drive! :D xx

  4. PLAN! Wowzies or/and Baskins and Robins? xx